the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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