1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize