worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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