Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
