Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The Olympian is in my bed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
