I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
