She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
