Swine flu is the new snow day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
