I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
