No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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