trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
