Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
