I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How external is "for external use only"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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