Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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