I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
