Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize