I wannas sexs uuuuu
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
