she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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