you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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