Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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