I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize