Buhtt sex?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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