If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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