i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
