Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
