my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize