I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
