It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
