I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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