I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
