She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Panties = found
Randomize
