PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm at about main and main street
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
