I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
