Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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