He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
