I heard we made out
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
