i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
