It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i out mim tonsoeep
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
