You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
