Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
should my penis look like a turkey
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize