i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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