I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
