i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
