Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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