I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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