I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
