Me too!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
