There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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