the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
