currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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