someone threw a dead crab at me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
