i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
