i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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