Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
