I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
