I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize