I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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