you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
