I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
