yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
