wat bout pragnant strippers??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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