Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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