so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
