I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
