people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
