If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
