He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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