Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
