Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
