just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
