fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
