I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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