If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've blown a few things in my day
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
