I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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