and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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