Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
