his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
