Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
