I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
