and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
