I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize