6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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