at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize