I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
