the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
