he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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