its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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