I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
