After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
