Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
