There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
