i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
