Well douche your snatch and let's go!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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