Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
