i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
