Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
