How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
