i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
