i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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