all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need a beard to bite.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
