What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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