Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
