Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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