There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The power of my boobs compel you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
