i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
