OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
