do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
