I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
